Archive for the ‘Philosophical musings’ Category

Would you rather:

A) be sexy

B) breastfeed

There’s a lot of debate on this topic at the moment, but every article I’ve seen seems to miss one very important point: what about option C) both?

There are various articles deconstructing the notion that being sexy is more important than breastfeeding, and what that may say about society. There are also plenty denouncing Kathryn Blundell as irresponsible, dangerous or just plain wrong. There are even a few that get right behind her right to choose what she does and doesn’t do with her body. All of them essentially polarise the choice into sex object or milk cow, but none of them seem to question whether that binary view is really valid. This is not helped by the misinformation that Blundell is spreading:

“I wanted my body back.” – one of the benefits of breastfeeding is that the hormones it releases help to get everything back into shape quicker – internally in terms of the uterus contracting back down and externally in terms of losing baby weight. There’s also the fact that unless you hand over your child to a third party for raising, there’s a very high chance that child will want cuddled, picked up, kissed better and all the rest for years to come, so you don’t really “get your body back” anyway.

“And some wine” – So long as you’re sensible, it is entirely possible to drink while breastfeeding. The amount of alcohol that comes through the milk from the odd glass of wine is very tiny – and given you’ve probably abstained or close through the pregnancy, chances are only the odd glass is needed to get tipsy. If you’re very concerned about alcohol being passed on, you could express and get a feed or two ready before starting on the drink. It doesn’t work for everyone, but then nothing does.

“I also wanted to give my boobs at least a chance to stay on my chest rather than dangling around my stomach” – Statistics show that breastfeeding makes no difference to sagginess or otherwise of breasts. It’s more to do with being pregnant, getting older and genetics.

And then there’s the suggestion that feeding method is the one big thing that determines what life is like for a new mum. Very few new mums really feel sexy, but I doubt the feeding method changes that significantly – to my eye it has more to do with having recently been through a physically, mentally and emotionally life changing event that has morphed their bodies almost beyond recognition. It’s all exacerbated by worry that they’re getting everything wrong, frustration when things aren’t perfect and irritation that everybody in the world seems to have conflicting advice that they offer whether it’s wanted or not. Oh, and lack of sleep. Nobody feels at their best when they’ve not slept properly for weeks. So perhaps it’s the simple fact of being a mum that gets in the way of someone enjoying her life and body, rather than one aspect of how she chooses to do it. If you’re not prepared to let your life change at all, are you sure you should change it in such a dramatic way as to add something that requires so much time and effort?

It looks like you’re going to be going through hell, desperate to get back to some kind of normality and searching for your own identity outside of motherhood anyway. Formula feeding is not a magic bullet to fix that, and breastfeeding may even help – I know it’s added to my confidence as a parent, and confidence is always sexy. There are plenty of good and valid reasons not to breastfeed, but the desire to be a sex kitten is not one of them. Quite simply, the choice doesn’t work that way – or perhaps I’m imagining all the breastfeeding MILFs I’ve met.

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I appear to have accidentally become a sort of a professional writer. I do lots of other stuff besides, but a large chunk of my job now involves writing User Guides, Release Notes and so on. Apparently, this makes me a technical author. Thinking about what I’ve done in the past, this really shouldn’t surprise me.

My degree was probably the most wordy of the sciences (Ecology), and so long as I could persuade myself to sit and do it, I never had any difficulties writing up experiments and such. I was even quite good at it, although I was not so good at getting anywhere near word limits – I just wrote as much (or more often as little) as I thought it actually needed.

My first “proper” job was in the periphery of the legal world. I was a Law Costs Draftsman (yes, that is the right spelling, it has nothing to do with architecture) for five years. I was two essays away from becoming an Associate Member of the professional society when I quit. The job was mostly going through legal files and adding up how much time had been spent on it, to work out how much the solicitor should try to claim from whoever was responsible for the costs. It was sometimes fascinating, but often repetitive and tedious. The other aspect was writing case summaries to be presented to the Court, in cases where the relevant parties couldn’t agree on the costs and had to ask for a judgement. I could turn several large boxes of papers into an intelligible three page summary, and I even quite enjoyed it. It was the actual costing side (and not very good employers) that eventually drove me away from it.

While I was there, I also did something else that has recently struck me as very relevant to my accidental new career. I wrote several chapters of an internal manual that set out the processes and purposes of being a Law Costs Draftsman. In particular, I wrote the chapter on narratives (for that is what the case summary bit was called). So, I documented how to document a legal case.

And yet I’m surprised that I’ve ended up working with documentation. Maybe it’s because I┬ánever much liked English Literature lessons when we had to find half a dozen different meanings in the one sentence. Lack of ambiguity never seemed highly rated in that world. It may also be that I have always lacked inspiration. Just occasionally, an idea strikes me, and I can write something that I can be proud of. The rest of the time… nothing.

To exercise my newly realised but long-held talent for writing, I need to write more. I’m finding that I’m actually enjoying it. Work provides me with plenty of hard-core technical writing, but I’d like something a little more fun than “then click save“. I have another blog elsewhere that I use for pointless rubbish and memes, but I want something a little meatier than that. This blog here looks perfect for the purpose, so now I just have to sit down and write more often!

And that’s where I hit trouble. I have no idea what to write about. So help me please, dear reader. What would you like me to write about here?

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I have never understood why gender matters. To me, it doesn’t. I have never had difficulties in speaking with men as equals, and generally they have responded in kind. I have a number of friends across the transgender spectrum, and have never struggled to accept them for who they are – their gender does not matter to me beyond knowing which pronouns they would prefer me to use. In many ways, I am “gender blind”.

This has all led me to be confused by the apparent necessity for women-oriented Open Source projects and communities, such as Ubuntu Women. I can understand, on an intellectual level, that not all women are as comfortable as I am in a room full of men, but never before did I truly grok the problem.

Lately, I have had something of an epiphany.

Just over two years ago, I became a mum. This threw me into the world of play groups, sharing baby woes and breastfeeding support. This world is inhabited almost entirely by women. It is a world I never knew existed, and one which has given me a totally different perspective on single-gender communities. Suddenly, I was on the other side of the balance – I was, in terms of gender, part of the majority. Seeing my husband struggling with it all has been another eye-opener. He was uncomfortable, and just didn’t quite know how to fit in, because he was different.

Slowly, slowly I have come to realise that, in a way, I was right all along, and gender doesn’t matter. What matters is affinity, and recognising shared experience. It is always difficult to get involved with a new group of people, but instant affinity gives you an “in”, a starting point for them not to be faceless strangers. That affinity could be appreciating the slogan on someone’s T-shirt, noticing that they’ve got an ORG sticker on their laptop, or something they happen to be talking about. That affinity can also come from gender. And now I think I understand.

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Recently it was International Women’s Day. This is a concept I struggle with. I have lately had something of an epiphany, but that is for another post. Right now I want to talk about the competition Ubuntu Women ran. The idea was to gather a repository of inspirational stories about how women got into using Ubuntu, and entries were accepted from across the world. I didn’t quite manage to write the how part, but did accidentally write about why I got into Ubuntu. I didn’t win, and didn’t expect to, but I was both surprised and flattered when Jono Bacon read it out while announcing the winners because it was “so cool”. Both the writing and the response have been part of why I’ve re-started this blog, so it seemed appropriate for me to share my entry here.

Learning To Fly

Some years ago, I used to travel everywhere by bus. The company that ran it was called Microsoft, and I used the Number 3.1. It generally got me where I needed to be, but it took a bit of an odd route to get there, and it would often stop at seemingly random points. If I fancied a change, I could take my walkman, or a book. It wasn’t the most comfortable ride, but it did ok, and I was used to it. After a while, the company decided to upgrade all their busses and change all the routes – and put the fares up. I went onto the Number 95, and everything looked nice and shiny, although I missed my stop a couple of times because I wasn’t used to the route. After a while I realised that although the route didn’t take the same detours, it took new ones, so I didn’t really get where I was going any faster. The busses all seemed to get a bit dingy after a while, too. Still, I had my CD walkman, and it became familiar again.

Eventually, I took the plunge, and got a car. I loved the freedom – I could go where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go. I wasn’t constrained by having to have the right money, and I didn’t have to stop for the sake of everyone else. It was a SuSE, and it was mine and I loved it. Except, any time anything went wrong I had to ask for help. When the radio stopped working, I had to get someone else to fix it. If I couldn’t find a particular stick or button, I had to get someone to show me where it was. It also wouldn’t play any of my old CDs. In short, it was frustrating. I tried a couple of other cars, but they weren’t any better. I took ages getting my Debian to even start, and somehow had a knack for stalling it before I got to the end of the street. Eventually, I gave up and went back to the bus – the XP route now had air conditioning and contoured seats, and I could cope with the delays (and occasional breakdowns) because it did tend to get me there in the end.

Then one day, something quite miraculous happened: someone gave me a pair of wings. In only a couple of lessons, I was flying! I no longer have to wait for the bus, and I don’t need a mechanic to come and rescue me any more. If I want different music, I can just pick up a media player and set it going. If I want to dye my wings a different colour, that’s easy too. I decide which route to take – I’m not even limited by roads any more. The best thing is that flying feels so natural – like walking only better. I call these wings “Ubuntu”.

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